The Fraud Running for President

celebrity-986838_1280There I was, watching the Donald Trump rally (not really by choice, but I was watching CNN and they cut to the rally). At the rally, The Donald was kicking out protesters left and right. Then he said something odd. He said that the people protesting were infringing on his freedom of speech, and that he was going to say what he had to say.

That was odd to me because, while the Bill of Rights does talk about the freedom of speech, it does NOT do it in the way Mr. Trump was using it. The 1st Amendment reads:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

revolution-30590_1280Did you see the part about the freedom of speech there in the middle? The words are there, yes, but they have nothing to do with Donald forcibly removing dissenters from his rallies. What the 1st Amendment is talking about is how the GOVERNMENT cannot censor someone (and even then there are some places where freedom of speech is not an absolute). What Donald Trump is doing falls under the line about right to peaceably assemble (although that’s debatable, as his rallies more and more resemble gathering from dark days in our world’s past and not some peaceable assembly) and NOT about the freedom of speech. The government is not abridging his freedom of speech – individual dissenters are voicing opposition.

I recognize that The Donald is not a Constitutional scholar, but this misunderstanding of a basic freedom granted by the 1st Amendment just goes to show one glaring truth: Donald Trump is a fraud. He’s a poser. He’s a huckster. He’s a con man.

He has no real grasp of the Constitution or American freedoms. He has no real policy or position on any issues. There is no depth or substance. There is only hollow rhetoric. It fires up the masses, to be sure, but that’s all it does. To use a common catchphrase, Mr. Trump is just going to “fake it til he makes it.”

He does it with the Constitution. He does it with the Bible. He does it with every.single.issue of substance people ask him about. He’s a political cheerleader. And there is nothing Xian about any of it, so don’t play the Evangelical/Conservative Xian card here. It’s not about faith. Not one bit. Jesus isn’t in any of it.

Make America Great Again!
Build a wall!
Kick out illegal immigrants!
Make America Great Again! (wait, did I already say that one? Yep, The Donald is repeating himself again.)

Empty rhetoric to stir the base nature within us.

God have mercy on us all if we don’t wake up.

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Hitler Has Been Reincarnated…

  • Our country used to be great. I will make it great again!
  • No, we don’t hate those people. They hate us even though we haven’t done anything!
  • We have a labor problem in our country – I will put people to work!
  • Many of our problems come from those people who are here in our country. THEY are to blame!

Sound familiar? So you tell me.

Donald Trump?

Or Adolf Hitler?

adolf-hitler-147179_1280“I consider Bolshevism the most malignant poison that can be given to a people. And therefor I do not want my own people to come into contact with this teaching. As a citizen of this nation I myself shall not do what I should have to condemn my fellow-citizens for doing. I demand from every German workman that he shall not have any relations with these international mischief-makers and he shall never see me clinking glasses or rubbing shoulders with them. Moreover, any further treaty connections with the present Bolshevik Russia would be completely worthless for us. It is out of the question to think that National Socialist Germany should ever be bound to protect Bolshevism or that we, on our side, should ever agree to accept the assistance of a Bolshevik State. For I fear that the moment any nation should agree to accept such assistance, it would thereby seal its own doom.” ~ Adolf Hitler, 1937

 “The German people did not feel any kind of hate against the French or the British. The French people, the British people – the German people wanted only to live in friendship and peace with them…. The German people has never learned to carry on hate. Then in Britain, certain circles began their impertinent, intolerable assaults. And then came the moment when I had to say to myself: I cannot watch this anymore, I have to answer to this agitation. For we do not educate the German people to hate the British. We do not educate it to hate the French, while in France and Britain the agitators day after day bait the British and French peoples, through the press and at rallies, to hate against the Germans.” ~ Adolf Hitler, 1939

“And our enemies, today they cry: ‘Germany shall fail!’ And Germany can give only one answer. Germany will live, and therefore Germany will emerge victorious!” ~ Adolf Hitler, 1939

And then some verbal gold from The Donald…

celebrity-986838_1280“Our country is in serious trouble. We don’t have victories anymore. We used to have victories, but we don’t have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal?….

When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists….

I will tell you this, and I said it very strongly, years ago, I said — and I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we’ve ever had, and we need it more now than ever…. Our enemies are getting stronger and stronger by the way, and we as a country are getting weaker….

I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again. It can happen. Our country has tremendous potential. We have tremendous people. We have people that aren’t working. We have people that have no incentive to work. But they’re going to have incentive to work, because the greatest social program is a job. And they’ll be proud, and they’ll love it, and they’ll make much more than they would’ve ever made, and they’ll be — they’ll be doing so well, and we’re going to be thriving as a country, thriving. It can happen. ~ Donald Trump, 2016

Xians need to wake up. We should not stand for this kind of rhetoric. It is dangerous. We’ve seen where it can take the world….

Spread the word….

America Embarrasses Jesus

Okay, you’ve been living under a rock if you haven’t seen SOME of the hullabaloo about Mr. Obama suggesting that America open its doors to some 10,000 Syrian refugees. And, in great American fashion, American Christians have rallied to PREVENT refugees from coming within our sacred, God-ordained borders.

We have to protect ourselves, you see, and welcoming Syrian refugees would be allowing the terrorists free access to our country.
You wouldn’t invite a murderer in through the front door of your house, would you?

Yes, that’s actually an argument I’ve seen a LOT over the last few days. Never mind the fact that we’re not talking about hypothetical people in need – we’re talking about REAL people who are displaced by war and violence. Where are the Xians who care to take care of those who can’t help themselves?

Oh, those poor refugees! I wish there was something we could do. And by “we” I mean someone not me. And by “do” I mean nothing that will cost me anything. Oh, those poor refugees! ~ Murica

You see, we like the IDEA of helping people, but not when it’s actually going to cost us anything. We like the IDEA of helping, but we must have our priorities in order.

PRIORITY #1 – American Safety

If you let in thousands of refugees you’ll welcome who knows how many who want to do us harm! When I pointed out that America was founded by refugees who were seeking freedom from persecution, I was told:

“And the natives welcomed them with open arms and now we have this great Navajo nation! Oh wait! Great analogy. Exactly why we can’t take them.”

That’s the spirit, Xian people! Look how we screwed others. We gotta make sure nobody treats us the way we treat them! I read in the Bible somewhere:

And Jesus saith unto them, “Mess people over before they have a chance to mess with you.”

At least I’m pretty sure it went something like that. But forget about safety for a minute. Even if the refugees were vetted (which they WOULD be), we’ve got so many other problems here in America. That brings us to:

PRIORITY #2 – Our own people

I was told:

“We MUST take care of our own widows, orphans, elderly, ill, Veterans, etc, etc, first, and foremost, at this time…..NO more refugees from anywhere is my personal opinion”

Sure, I acknowledge that we’ve got a problem with poverty, homelessness, and myriad other issues in our nation. Focusing on those issues IS important. Those are things we should address and people we should be helping. But think about it in terms of trauma and an emergency room. It’s a basic case of triage. When you look at all the people you can help/save, those with a greater urgency get handled first. That doesn’t mean the others aren’t important. It means we understand that the others can hold off a little while longer while we take care of the crisis now.

And let’s not kid ourselves – we’d rather help our own people than help people of another ethnic background and another nation. Today I actually saw a Xian woman (wife of a church elder) share this:

Inbred Savages

That brings us to:

PRIORITY #3 – The Practical Considerations

This priority comes from Xians who want to seem like they care about the issue but want you to know that you haven’t really considered all of the ramifications of allowing refugees into the country. For example, I was told:

“Where are they going to live? Who is paying for this? Are they going to work? Who is going to give them a job? Do they speak English? How can you find out who they are if they don’t have papers or any info on them?”

Um…do they speak English?

Since when is that a requirement for being A REFUGEE?!? No, they probably DON’T speak English. Are we now holding back our Xian compassion for those who speak the same language?

HOLD EVERYTHING! WE GET TO CANCEL OUR FOREIGN MISSIONS BUDGET NOW, FOLKS. WE’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING THAT BENEFITS PEOPLE WHO DON’T SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE!

Ridiculous.

Let’s be real. I’m not saying that allowing all Syrian refugees access to America is the best policy. It’s not a black-and-white deal – it’s highly nuanced. What I AM saying is that Christians ought to be the first to seek out helping people rather than outright turning them away because of the FEAR of possibilities and potential outcomes.

It SEEMS (that means my perspective, folks) that conservative Christians are jumping on the “don’t trust Muslims” bandwagon and are quick to say, “Our nation won’t help displaced people” without even giving a THOUGHT about the issue and the real people involved.

Yes, America –

You embarrass Jesus.

 

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If you want to share a thought, it’s okay to disagree. Just keep it civil. And share the post with all your friends 😉

Theology Smackdown – Bring the Pain!

True story – the other day my kids were watching Power Rangers. Power RangersAt one point of the show there was a teaching moment when the Rangers learned a lesson about life and ethics and the “bigger picture.”

It’s rare, sure, but it caught my attention. Then I had a funny thought: there’s more theology here than most people will hear from Joel Osteen!

Thus was birthed the idea for #TheologySmackdown.

Here are some of the highlights…

What else you got? Lay it on us!

As always, thanks for reading! If you found any of this amusing, please share it with your friends on Twitter, Facebook, or email!

Batman Theology

Social Media Christ

Have you ever wondered what the Bible would be like if Jesus used social media? Perhaps something like this?

What do you think?

What would you add?

🙂

Calvinist Heretics and Their Heretical Heresies

Burn her

Now that all of my Reformed friends are up in arms, let’s talk.

This post is the result of a conversation I saw the other day in which a group of Calvinists (I presume, at any rate) were discussing the false teaching and heresy of Arminianism.

Not being a Calvinist I took umbrage at the conversation. There is much to be said for Reformed theology. I very much appreciate its view of the supremacy and sovereignty of God. Too often Xians have such a small view of God and try to live life as though we ourselves are sovereign. We aren’t.

While I wouldn’t call myself a hard-core Arminian, I do believe that God’s initial action towards humanity requires a human response. In that sense, we are free to decide to respond positively towards God in faith or we can choose to reject the Gospel.

The biggest problem I had with the conversation I saw was the fact that these Xian brothers were labeling a position contrary to theirs as false teaching and possibly heresy. This was disheartening, for I have never thought of my Reformed friends as heretics or false teachers – simply people who disagree on some points of Xian theology.

We can still join together as Credal Xians and proclaim:

I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth:
And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary:
Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried: He descended into hell:
The third day he rose again from the dead:
He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty:
From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead:
I believe in the Holy Ghost:
I believe in the holy catholic church: the communion of saints:
The forgiveness of sins:
The resurrection of the body:
And the life everlasting.
Amen.

But labeling me, a pastor who leans towards Arminianism, a false teacher and heretic, removes me from the shared faith we proclaim in our creeds. It creates a barrier between good Xians who share a common core belief. I still preach Christ crucified, buried, and resurrected. I still preach Acts 4:12

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.

We are often too quick to label anything that disagrees with us as heresy. We then quickly set up walls to separate ourselves from those who disagree with us. What I find humorous is that the Greek word for heresy (hairesis) developed in the Bible to mean schism or faction. Thus the Apostle Paul seems to suggest that a heretic is a person who is divisive or factious (see Titus 3:10).

So the Calvinists who seek to be divisive are being heretics…in the Pauline sense, of course. 😉

All said and done, I have no beef with Reformed Xians. I have found them to be good people who take faith seriously. But, while some people fear the word ecumenical, to some degree there needs to be leeway for us to disagree on elements of faith and theology while still holding to the essential core of Christian doctrine.

Because, to someone else, we’re all heretics in one way or another.

I Didn’t Know Statutory Rape Was Illegal

moron

Have you ever read something that got under your skin so much you simply couldn’t keep quiet about it?

That’s how I felt today.

Let me introduce you to Jack Shaap.

jack schaap

Jack used to be a pastor. Until he seduced (read statutorily raped) a teen, was fired, and is now in prison. He’s appealing to have his sentence reduced – seems he thinks 12 years is a little to long for his crime. Jack “also claims his sentence violates his constitutional rights because it is cruel and unusual punishment, and the sentence should be reduced because the girl was sexually experienced.”

But what really got under my skin was where Jack, who did plead guilty, told the judge he did not realize his actions were illegal.

if-my-calculations-are-correct-youre-an-idiot

He certainly isn’t showing any remorse or repentance.

This guy gives all pastors a black eye. Throw the book at him.

Put him away for life.

Walking the Way of the #OldPaths to Avoid Hell!

Every once in a while (usually when someone asks) I’ll let people with no blog be a guest writer for me. Today’s guest blogger is someone I found on Twitter ~ @OldPathsPope. (Disclaimer – The Xian Satirist is NOT an Old Paths IFB guy – he just happens to be friends with quite a few…). The Pope is big on promoting the old way, so I’ll let him take it away…

purgatory

Those of us who have spent time around “Old Paths” preachers can tell you that they can be some wild and crazy guys! Let’s be honest – not everyone from the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement is off his rocker. Quite a few of us consider ourselves to be level-headed and thoughtful men of faith.

But some are straight-up wack-a-doos. They (loudly) preach about holding to “Old Paths” but, in reality, merely push a cultural faith that hearkens back to the 1950’s. Boy those were the good ol’ days. Can I get an “AMEN!” from my Negro friends?

Yes, that was sarcasm.

In order to help you more-fully understand the Old Paths preachers who rail against everything that doesn’t fit into their narrow world-view, I’ve compiled a list of tips.

Follow these tips and you’ll be on your way to hollerin’ “OLD PATHS!” with the best of them.

In a nutshell you’ll start to get a picture of what these preachers are like. They are some of the most self-promoting aggrandizing men I’ve ever encountered and are more concerned with being wrong and belittling all who disagree with them than they are examining themselves and working to maintain peace and unity within the church.

Those Twitter Anons who point out the shortcomings of these men do not do it because we loathe biblical morality, holiness, and righteousness. We do it because we loathe the hypocrisy and pseudo-spirituality done in the name of maintaining the status quo.

So there you have it. If’n you ever have a question or want to talk – hit me up.


Are you an #Americhristian? Here’s how you can tell…

Those of you who know me know that I’m quite fond of hashtag parties. I like to participate in them. I like to start them.

I was really tickled yesterday with the hashtag party for Americhristian. You see, I wasn’t even trying to start a party.

I was simply ranting.

Last year after seeing many Xian folk treat religion and patriotism as two sides of the same coin I became a bit irate. I coined (at least I thought I did) the term “Americhristian.”

Yesterday I saw a bunch of tweets regarding Memorial Day, America, blah blah blah and it brought up the same feelings. So I brought up the word again. It seemed to resonate with people.

There were a bunch more, but you get the idea. Turns out that other people use that term as well.

I even found a group called “The Americhristian Group

Americhristian

As far as I can tell this group is a not a hoax, but does seem shady. They want to save America for Christ through “Praise, Partnership and Prosperity.”

THIS IS THE EXACT KIND OF NONSENSE I’M TALKING ABOUT!

When we place emphasis on our national citizenship instead of our heavenly citizenship we’ve got our priorities backwards. Ed Stetzer once wrote, “When you mix faith and politics you get politics.”

Regardless of our political views we need to have Kingdom emphasis first.

We align with Jesus, not with political ideals.

We serve Jesus, not any political platform.

And we know that Jesus is Lord of all nations, not just ‘Merica.

Don’t be an Americhristian.

American Jesus Madness Bracket Update!


While the voting will continue through the night, it seems plausible that we can call a few victories in the American Jesus Madness Bracket. While we wait for the official call from Zack Hunt, here’s what seems to be happening:

Diogo Mordalo (Son of God) DEFEATS Jeffrey Hunter (King of Kings)

Willem Dafoe (The Last Temptation of Christ) DEFEATS Robert Powell (Jesus of Nazareth)

Ted Neely (Jesus Christ Superstar) DEFEATS Brian Deacon (Jesus, 1979)

Jim Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ) DEFEATS Jeremy Sisto (Jesus, 1999)

Integrity DEFEATS Mark Driscoll

Rachel Held Evans DEFEATS Every Calvinist Dude on the Internet

Mark Sandlin DEFEATS Third Eagle of the Apocalypse

Gay Wedding Cake DEFEATS Christian “Persecution”

Pope Francis DEFEATS Every Pope Ever

Stephanie Drury & Matthew Paul Turner DEFEAT Christian Culture

Coloring Book Steven Furtick DEFEATS Real Life Steven Furtick

Nadia-Bolz-Weber’s Tattoos DEFEAT Albert Mohler’s Suits.

Reality DEFEATS Ken Ham

STILL TOO CLOSE TO CALL:

Christians’ Old Love for Duck Dynasty VS. Christians’ New Love for Matthew McConaughey

Greg Boyd VS. Assault Rifle Jesus

Nicolas Cage’s Left Behind VS. Kirk Cameron’s Left Behind

If you have not yet voted, go on over to theamericanjesus.net and cast your vote now!