Judah Man! ~ A Middle Eastern Pun Battle

It all started with Mr. Church Guy:

From there it exploded into chaos 😉

Sandy Young – Laughing so hard I’ve got to huldah my sides…Middle East

Parson Peeves – I was embarrassed. I almost saw a Gaza strip.

Mr. Church Guy – Sometimes it isn’t what you get out of the jokes, but what you put Hinnom.

Sandy Young – I guess olive that one alone…

Rancid Potato – I know what Yemen.

The Xian Satirist – I was going to challenge Mr. Church Guy’s geography but I’m ‘fraid he’s right. Euphrates right, too?

I Am Kinda Normal – Iran out of ideas.

The Xian Satirist – I have a million pun ideas. Iraq the mic like a tru MC.

Rancid Potato – Yes, very Syria.

The Xian Satirist – I’ll have the last word, though. Just Kuwait and see.

I Am Kinda Normal – I’m gonna have to quit this convo cold Turkey.

Rancid Potato – Bahrain any new developments I may as well.

The Xian Satirist – Ah, don’t leave! Unlike a lot of fake people on Twitter you guys Israel.

Snooty Seminarian – Nineveh Ur right. You just Babylon.

Parson Peeves – No. I’m still in deNile.

The Xian Satirist – *whispers* Just smile and Nod, boys. There’s no arguing with Snooty.

Snooty Seminarian – I don’t like where this Uz going. Is Zarephath back to where I’m credible?

The Xian Satirist – Ephesus too difficult for you we’ll let you bow out.

Snooty Seminarian – Hebron ow that’s not fair. Emmaus well have just slapped me in the face.

Nate Pickowicz – I’m afraid to Maacah bad joke…

Snooty Seminarian – It’s ok. The Xian Satirist has to keep his Zion a map to come up with any.

Nate Pickowicz – Y’know The Xian Satirist Acts like he’s got this game down, but truth is out; he’s Ben-hadad.

The Xian Satirist – Well excuuuuse me! I forgot that Judah man.

Nate Pickowicz – If I were in his shoes, I’d be Philippian out.

The Xian Satirist – Look, I apologize. Should we Kish and make up?

Snooty Seminarian – You come one step closer and I’ll Michmash potatoes out of you.

The Xian Satirist – BWAHAHAHA! I never Tyre of pushing your buttons.

Nate Pickowicz – Not sure if I should be Sidon with you or Snooty Seminarian.

Snooty Seminarian – Ai don’t need a partner. I Gath this on my own.

The Xian Satirist – Ai, Ai, Ai – don’t be mean to the lad!

Nate Pickowicz – Thank you — I believe your sincerity Israel.

Chad Buhman – Someone better be Phoenician this convo soon!

Parson Peeves – I would have participated more, but my Sinais were acting up.

I hope you remember your geography lesson from today. There will be a test later on.

🙂









Theology Smackdown – Bring the Pain!

True story – the other day my kids were watching Power Rangers. Power RangersAt one point of the show there was a teaching moment when the Rangers learned a lesson about life and ethics and the “bigger picture.”

It’s rare, sure, but it caught my attention. Then I had a funny thought: there’s more theology here than most people will hear from Joel Osteen!

Thus was birthed the idea for #TheologySmackdown.

Here are some of the highlights…

What else you got? Lay it on us!

As always, thanks for reading! If you found any of this amusing, please share it with your friends on Twitter, Facebook, or email!

Batman Theology

Social Media Christ

Have you ever wondered what the Bible would be like if Jesus used social media? Perhaps something like this?

What do you think?

What would you add?

🙂

Roasting @TheBitterPastor

The Bitter Pastor

I don’t think anyone has ever talked to me about it, but I believe in Twitter classes. That is to say, you’ll see groups of Twitterers start roughly the same time. The Bitter Pastor and I were part of the same class.

I don’t know exactly how or why but somehow we connected on Twitter. There was a sort of camaraderie between us, and there were several parts of our lives that were similar to each other. He was the first Anon on Twitter that I ever talked to in real life. All said and done, we clicked.

We also had similar goals on Twitter: to take a bunch of unconnected, Xian Anon accounts (that’s many of you good folks reading) and connect them together as part of a cohesive online community. I started it with a 12-month Anon Calendar and branched into a monthly e-zine written by Anon authors.

Then I got a DM that said, “I want to run an idea by you – give me a call when you have a chance.”

Thus was born @TheAnonChurch.

This was our medium for connecting the thousands of Xian Anons on Twitter. We pulled in writers to blog with us. We launched the Twitter account to highlight and retweet Xian Anons both famous and infamous.

But times change, and now my friend is removing himself as one of the administrators of @TheAnonChurch (or TAC, as we like to call it).

After he announced his leaving, @pastorswife2020 sent me a DM and said, “We should send him off with a roast or something!” Naturally, I was ALL over that idea.

So tonight we roasted my very good friend. Here’s to you, bud!

At the end of the day, I will miss my friend’s participation in TAC. He was a grand co-conspirator, even if he was always a little bitter!



The Disney Bible

**FROM THE XIAN SATIRIST**

As many know, I’m a big fan of hashtag games. The other day we played on of my favorites: #PutADisneyCharacterInABibleStory.

Then I had an idea to compile some of the best of them and create THE DISNEY BIBLE!

Enjoy!

Genesis

eva

Pocahontas

101-dalmatians

kaa

prince_charming

Exodus

sebastian

anna

Numbers

Eeyore

Joshua

Judges

ursula

tangled-rapunzel

bambi

Eeyore

Winnie the pooh

robinhood

Ruth

Little-Mermaid

1 Kings

Jafar

Wall-e

2 Kings

Baloo

1 Chronicles

Proverbs

Jonah

Matthew

Mark

Alice

pinocchio

Luke

tink

John

Lumière

Acts of the Apostles

Buzz_Lightyear

bambi

Captain-Jack

1 Thessalonians

Revelation

beast

Maleficent

There were a whole bunch of good ones, so go check out the hashtag.

And share this with your friends so they can see the Disney Gospel, too! 😉

Help, I’m an #Egomaniac!

As promised, here’s the blog about the Egomaniac hashtag game we played last night.

Truth be told, I got the idea from a NY Times op-ed piece I read about happiness. The author wrote:

Today, each of us can build a personal little fan base, thanks to Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and the like. We can broadcast the details of our lives to friends and strangers in an astonishingly efficient way. That’s good for staying in touch with friends, but it also puts a minor form of fame-seeking within each person’s reach. And several studies show that it can make us unhappy.

We each become little egomaniacs tweeting and posting about our lives and caring more about our own content than about anything else. So I had an idea…

From there it seemed everyone had an opinion about egomaniacs 😉

And we’ll close with…

There were many more – too many to recount. But there’s a little ego monster in us all that cares about faves and retweets. We all want our voices to be heard. The problem comes when that little ego monster becomes the driving force in our lives. As the author of the op-ed piece pointed out, pursuing that doesn’t actually bring happiness, but brings unhappiness. So enjoy your time on social media, but remember:

IT’S JUST TWITTER. 😉

Why Disney’s Frozen Will Destroy Your Soul!

Okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme.

Still…the message being sent out by the main song isn’t a great message.

You know the song – “Let It Go.”

If you’re a female under the age of 12 you’ve got the whole thing memorized the way school children use to memorize the Pledge of Allegiance.

As an adult you may not have it memorized but if you have an internet connection you’ve at least HEARD of the song.

Here, have a listen:

I guess my real problem is just with one single stanza:

It’s time to see what I can do,
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me – I’m free

This is a horrible message to be sending to people!

I’m a big believer in Xian Liberty. That is to say, there are many aspects of human behavior the Bible doesn’t address that fall under personal conscious and freedom. At the same time we cannot escape the fact that there IS right and wrong. God doesn’t say, “Anything goes, guys – just be good people and you’re in!”

Even the New Testament, with all of Paul’s “freedom from the law” talk, still contains sin lists and standards of acceptable and unacceptable behavior for people of faith.

Now we have a generation of young people belting out, “No right, no wrong, no rules for me – I’m free!”

We forget that no right, no wrong, and no rules merely leads to anarchy and chaos. Then the strong dominate and the weak die off. It’s a horrible system when you apply it to all of humanity.

In the end, no, I don’t think Frozen will actually destroy your soul. But I do get concerned about the ideals that pop culture is putting into the heads of young people.

So I choose to use the lyrics as an entry point for conversation with my kids. Let’s talk about right and wrong and rules. I’ll use Frozen like Paul uses the Statue to the Unknown God in Acts 17. Perhaps I’ll be able to get through to my kids the kind of life God desires them to live.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go watch Frozen with my daughter for the 10th time 😐

In the meantime, have a laugh with these other bits poking fun at Frozen…

How To Complain and Still Seem Holy

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Xians are good at complaining. We’ll complain about anything that goes against what we want or think is the “right way” to do something. The problem is that complainers get a bad reputation in the eyes of others. There must be a way, then, to complain without actually looking like you’re complaining.

Good news – there is!

If you do it right, you can complain your little heart out and still maintain the appearance of righteousness.

Here’s how:

1. Disguise the complaint in language about “care and concern.” Like this:

“Pastor, you know how much I care about our church, but I’m really concerned when I see ________.”

2. Cleverly lead others to come to the point where they agree and believe that your complaint is also their complaint, then urge them to talk to the pastor about it. Like this:

“Fred, did you ever notice ________.”
“I never thought about it before, but you’re right, Jim!”
“That just doesn’t seem right. What do you think ought to be done about it, Fred?”
“Shoot! I’ll go tell the pastor to jump on it right away, Jim!”

3. Send anonymous cards and letters to slowly emotionally cripple your pastor. Like this:

“I’m so sorry to hear that you’re leaving town. You are leaving, right?”

Follow these steps and you’ll be fast on your way to being among the most righteously ungodly complainer in the congregation.

Never Lose Jesus Again!

Jesus Chain

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Order your “Jesus Chain” today and make sure you never lose your Jesus again.

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