Twitter Break Ups – Don’t Stalk Me, Bro!

i-hate-you-this-much

After a public disagreement with a follower last week I was SHOCKINGLY unfollowed. I made a final remark about how it was unfortunate that this person couldn’t disagree without unfollowing. The snappy comeback was, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I didn’t know we were still using that cliché, but okay. I was tickled and laughed about it. So I asked some friends to help me come up with some great Twitter Break Up lines. Here’s some of what we came up with:

Sure, it’s your Twitter account. Do what you want. Follow and unfollow and your discretion. But if you give a stupid reason for it you will be mocked.

😉

Related Posts:
I Love You, I Hate You, I Block You

Happy Easter, White Jesus

Ain't Nobody Like This Buddy

Ain’t Nobody Like This Buddy

Remember last Christmas when there was a minor kerfuffle going on with Megyn Kelly of Fox News. She was talking about an author who wanted to do away with the idea of a white Santa. Ms. Kelly found the idea to be ludicrous and insisted that there are some people whose ethnicity you cannot touch. Jesus, for example, was a white guy – you can’t change what it is.

Here it is…

Now, here’s the thing. There were a lot of people making fun of Ms. Kelly. I even cracked a few jokes like:

Of COURSE Jesus was white. Who on earth would want to worship a middle eastern Jew?

Please understand that the previous sentence is a joke – I’m not serious. The simple fact of the matter is that Jesus was a middle eastern Jew.

In the midst of the discussion about Ms. Kelly’s goof there were some accusations of racism. We need to be careful about the words we use, because I don’t think racism is at play here.

Racism is treating people as inferior because of their race.

What happened on Fox News was not about inferiority. It wasn’t racism. It was racial bias but not racism. And racial bias is normal. It is a normal human trait to imagine stories from our own perspectives. When we read our imaginations usually make the characters look like us. Even when the author is clear about a character’s description we will often overlook that description in our heads.

There were many fans of The Hunger Games who were upset when the character Rue was cast as a little black girl. They failed to recognize the description the author provided and filled in their own gaps from their own perspectives….

The story of Jesus is no different. We don’t have any photos of the man, so we are left to use our imaginations to see him. Left to ourselves, we fill in the blank spots from our own experiences, culture, and background.

Megyn Kelly wasn’t being racist. Ignorant, sure, but not racist (and honestly, it’s hard not to see Jesus as white when the majority of sacred art we’re exposed to is European…).

One of my most prized possessions is a book called “The Life of Jesus” (1978, Buechner and Boltin). I don’t think it’s in print any more, but you can get it used on Amazon.

It’s the story of Jesus combined with sacred art from around the world. Let me show you some famous art of Jesus…

Christ Crowned with Thorns. Wood. Philippines, 20th Century

Christ Crowned with Thorns. Wood. Philippines, 20th Century

Virgin and Child. Oil on Canvas. Uruguay, 20th Century.

Virgin and Child. Oil on Canvas. Uruguay, 20th Century.

The Last Supper. Crayon on Paper. U.S.A., Contemporary.

The Last Supper. Crayon on Paper. U.S.A., Contemporary.

Mother of Divine Grace. Textile. Japan, Contemporary.

Mother of Divine Grace. Textile. Japan, Contemporary.

Crucifixion. Bronze. Italy, 1933.

Crucifixion. Bronze. Italy, 1933.

Adoration of the Magi. Rome, circa 200.

Adoration of the Magi. Rome, circa 200.

The Holy Family. Painting on Silk. Japan, 20th Century.

The Holy Family. Painting on Silk. Japan, 20th Century.

We all tend to fashion the Bible from our own background. Is it wrong to see Jesus as a white guy? As Japanese? As African? Historically, sure – he was a middle eastern Jew. But the whole point of the Incarnation is that Christ is WITH us. God is not far away and removed – He is one of us. So the God who left heaven to be like me might look like me. What other god ever bothered to become like us?

The mystery and magnificence of YAHWEH is the Incarnation. His name is Emmanuel, which means: God with us.

Ms. Kelly should have apologized for her cultural bias and ignorance but I don’t fault her for seeing Jesus from her background and heritage. I don’t really expect my blog will ever cross her path, but if you do know her send her the link, okay? 😉

This Easter season take some time to reflect on the idea that God cares enough for us to become like us. To feel like us. To suffer like us. To die like us.

Yes, even to look like us.

How To Complain and Still Seem Holy

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Xians are good at complaining. We’ll complain about anything that goes against what we want or think is the “right way” to do something. The problem is that complainers get a bad reputation in the eyes of others. There must be a way, then, to complain without actually looking like you’re complaining.

Good news – there is!

If you do it right, you can complain your little heart out and still maintain the appearance of righteousness.

Here’s how:

1. Disguise the complaint in language about “care and concern.” Like this:

“Pastor, you know how much I care about our church, but I’m really concerned when I see ________.”

2. Cleverly lead others to come to the point where they agree and believe that your complaint is also their complaint, then urge them to talk to the pastor about it. Like this:

“Fred, did you ever notice ________.”
“I never thought about it before, but you’re right, Jim!”
“That just doesn’t seem right. What do you think ought to be done about it, Fred?”
“Shoot! I’ll go tell the pastor to jump on it right away, Jim!”

3. Send anonymous cards and letters to slowly emotionally cripple your pastor. Like this:

“I’m so sorry to hear that you’re leaving town. You are leaving, right?”

Follow these steps and you’ll be fast on your way to being among the most righteously ungodly complainer in the congregation.

Can a Xian Publicly Ridicule Other Xians?

laugh

So the other day I was tweeting a string of jokes under the hashtag DricollSchoolOf Ethics:

Before long, an atheist/former pastor who follows me jumped and thought I was acting inappropriately.

The 140 character limit on Twitter makes a pretty bad place for debate or in-depth discussion, but I did want to take time to address the issue.

1. The Bible DOES talk about handling grievances privately between individuals. The biblical guidance for such behavior is between people who have a damaged relationship. The goal of going to the “brother” is so that relationship can be repaired and restored (see Matthew 18 as an example).

2. The Bible DOES give us multiple examples of Jesus (and others) calling out poor behavior in a public setting.

– Upset with money-changers taking advantage of worshippers, Jesus tears through the temple flipping over tables and whipping men with a cord.
– Upset with the super-religious, John the Baptist calls the Pharisees and Sadducees “you brood of vipers.”
– Upset with the super-religious, Jesus calls them “you brood of vipers.”
– Jesus repeatedly publicly calls out religious leaders as “hypocrites.”
– Paul has to call out Peter for his poor behavior regarding unfair treatment of Gentiles in the church.

While not every instance of publicly calling someone out in the Bible is a mirror image of today’s situations, there is still a strong case to be made for publicly addressing and calling out religious leaders. Jesus himself used sarcasm and satire to drive his point home.

Publicly tearing people down for no reason but to hurt is never right. Using sarcasm or satire to drive home a point about the behavior of religious leaders is well-supported in the Bible.

What do you think? Where should we draw the line between private and public rebuke?

How to Write a Good Subtweet

Before we begin, you gotta know what a subtweet is. The word is a shortened form of “subliminal tweet.” Simply put, it’s tweeting about someone without using their name. Subtweets are behind-your-back-but-in-your-face comments. A bad subtweet will leave no one guessing what you’re talking about. A REALLY good subtweet will have multiple people wondering if you’re talking about them.

Then you need to understand that the subtweet genre is really geared towards tearing people down behind the veil of obscurity. When you think that so-and-so is being a total dipwad you might tweet about his behavior attitude without using his name. Then if you’re ever questioned on it you can always fall back on, “I TOTALLY wasn’t talking about you!”
Anons often use subtweets to deliver satire and sarcasm. I myself use irony, sarcasm, & ridicule to laugh at myself and people of like-minded faith. I don’t subtweet to be mean. I do it (usually) to make a point. That being said I think there are some elements to writing a good subtweet.

1. Purpose. A bad subtweet exists only to destroy someone – to vent your animosity without having to admit you’re upset. A good subtweet exists to drive home a point, a joke, or a moral.

2. Timing. A bad subtweet will follow IMMEDIATELY on the heels of the person you’re talking about. There’s nothing “sub” about that. If you’re going to take that route you might as well address the person directly. The best subtweets leave a little bit of gap between the original tweeter and your own follow-up. It makes the intended recipient a bit more vague. Now it could be anyone.

3. Content. We’ve all seen some subtweets that get VERY specific. “You think XXXXX but you’re a dummy because XXXX.” Not very smooth. The best and funniest subtweets are those that can stand alone as real tweets. What I mean is this: if someone who didn’t know you well read your subtweet would they think it’s directed at someone specific or would they think it’s merely your own content? The best subtweets are those that are often mistaken for regular tweets. I’m tickled when I subtweet someone and others favorite and retweet it. The subtweet takes on a life of its own. It is no longer about me and the person.

4. Examples: Here are some of my recent subtweets:

 

There you have it – the good and the bad. The bad subtweets bring people down. The good subtweets make people laugh and/or think. And, while many of us have probably had a combination of both, we can always strive to do better.

American Jesus Madness – 2014 Bracket Analysis

Okay – here’s the deal. Zack Hunt is once again doing his American Jesus Madness Bracket, pitting pop-cultural Xianity against itself to determine a Champion for the year. If you haven’t filled out a bracket (or have no idea what I’m talking about) you REALLY need to check it out: American Jesus Madness.

Just like March Madness Brackets we’ll begin with the Round of 32. Here’s my expert analysis on the match-ups and who is favored to win.

Round of 32

Diogo Mordalo (Son of God) vs. Jeffrey Hunter (King of Kings)

No contest here. Putting a (controversial) new movie Jesus up against a classic is a no brainer. With all the hullabaloo coming from Evangelical circles about the missing content of the Son of God and the “New Age-y Roma Downey, I don’t think this movie will get much traction. Advantage: Jeffrey Hunter.

Robert Powell (Jesus of Nazareth) vs. Willem Dafoe (The Last Temptation of Christ)

This is another no brainer. No liberal Jesus movie will ever win in the Xian American culture. The Right railed against The Last Temptation of Christ when it came out and will quickly shut it down in this match up. Advantage: Robert Powell.

Brian Deacon (Jesus, 1979) vs. Ted Neely (Jesus Christ Superstar)

Similar to the previous match-up, a left-leaning Jesus musical has no shot in this round. Additionally, conservatives who know nothing about either movie will most likely pull for the Jesus film – the man playing Christ is named Deacon, for crying out loud! It’s an unfair advantage, to be sure, but it is what it is. Advantage: Brian Deacon.

Jim Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ) vs. Jeremy Sisto (Jesus, 1999)

Putting the sissified Jesus from the 1999 film up against Caviezel’s Christ in the Mel Gibson blood bath is another easy call. And with Caviezel you must include the Catholic vote, which makes this math-up a blood bath all its own. Advantage: Jim Caviezel.

Christians’ Old Love for Duck Dynasty vs. Christians’ New Love for Matthew McConaughey

Xians have come out of the woodwork with their love and support for McConaughey because of his declaration of thanks to God at the Academy Awards. The newfound love will ultimately be short-lived, however. Xian culture is used to hearing such declarations from award show winners (what makes McConaughey different is that he’s white. The usual winner thanking God is not, so to see a white man do it – well, he must be genuine. Right?), and he’ll soon be forgotten. The Duck Dynasty love, however, has proven to be enduring. The call is close AT THE MOMENT but ultimately will swing away from Hollywood. Advantage: Old Love for Duck Dynasty.

Mark Driscoll vs. Integrity

We have another easy call in the Round of 32. Driscoll has shown repeatedly just over the last 12 months that he can go toe-to-toe with integrity and come out unscathed. While one would seem to want Integrity to win, if history teaches us anything it is that Driscoll will give a real beat-down. Advantage: Mark Driscoll.

Rachel Held Evans vs. Every Calvinist Dude on the Internet

This one’s gonna be a nail-biter. RHE is a favorite among the younger generations and the disenfranchised. Every Calvinist Dude on the Internet is quite scrappy – a born fighter. Still, one can only take so much of “I’m chosen” and “Did you see my beard?” Advantage: Rachel Held Evans.

Greg Boyd vs. Assault Rifle Jesus

Honest show of hands: Who in their right minds would pick anyone over Christ packing heat? C’mon – it’s Jesus…with a gun. This pushes all the right buttons of the Right, and when they unify they can be something else. Advantage: Assault Rifle Jesus.

Mark Sandlin vs. Third Eagle of the Apocalypse

The founder of The Christian Left vs. a (seemingly) certifiable loon. It’s gonna be a fight to the finish, but guys like The Third Eagle of the Apocalypse just never really go away. You might knock ‘em down but you can’t kill ‘em. It’s like Apollo Creed trying to take down Rocky. The guy just never seems to quit. Advantage: Third Eagle of the Apocalypse.

Nicolas Cage’s Left Behind vs. Kirk Cameron’s Left Behind

Two movies. One plot. 14 years apart. While Cameron launched to Evangelical fame with his Left Behind, two words will tip the scale: Nic Cage. The man does.not.stop. Admit it – no matter how bad a Cage film is you’re still most likely gonna see it. Cage is the total package. He’s done films for adults that you’d NEVER let your kid see but he’s also done the family friendly National Treasure films (which is required viewing in Xian households). And remember, Cage has been to hell and back in multiple films. He’s the living incarnation of the Apostles’ Creed (he descended in to hell…). Advantage: Nicolas Cage’s Left Behind.

Gay Wedding Cake vs. Christian “Persecution”

No contest. Gay Wedding Cakes make great attention-grabbing headlines, but Christian “Persecution” is the perpetual motion machine science could never invent. Any small disagreement can re-launch the “Persecution” train, making it a behemoth in the ring. Advantage: Christian “Persecution”.

Pope Francis vs. Every Pope Ever

Frankie is showing himself to be a real contender. While Every Pope Ever carries a lot of clout (Catholics and Church Tradition, huh?), the current Holy Father is really catching on with the younger generations of Christians who have been looking for a leader to move the faith into a new century. The only question is, “Does he have staying power?” Still… Advantage: Pope Francis.

Stephanie Drury & Matthew Paul Turner vs. Christian Culture

Drury and Turner really are the Dynamic Duo when it comes to calling Christian Culture out on the mat. Even so, Christian Culture has shown itself to be a resilient beast, able to single handedly support chicken fast food chains and indie Christian films that no one with any artistic sensitivity should want to watch. This will be a fun bout to watch, but ultimately the religious Christian Culture will overpower dissenters. I mean, the religious culture did manage to crucify Christ himself…. Advantage: Christian Culture.

Real Life Steven Furtick vs. Coloring Book Steven Furtick

This match-up is gonna be the one to watch. It’s so big because Real Life Steven Furtick seems just the opposite: he’s LARGER THAN LIFE! He’s so large he managed to do something no other pastor has done. He’s turned himself into Coloring Book Steven Furtick. This is clearly Superman battling Bizarro. His difficulty is going to lie in the fact that Coloring Book Steven Furtick is the incarnation of the larger than life persona of Real Life Steven. That’s hard to kill. In fact, it can be reproduced over, and over, and over, and…well, you get it. Advantage: Coloring Book Steven Furtick.

Nadia Bolz-Weber’s Tattoos vs. Albert Mohler’s Suits

This one is quick and painless. Albert’s suits look sharp, but they come off. The permanency of Nadia’s tats reveals her commitment and that X-factor that mere suits could never convey. Advantage: Nadia Bolz-Weber

Ken Ham vs. Reality

Ken Ham talks a good game…if you’re looking to hear the same religious work-around Xians have been throwing at science for decades. Sooner or later reality is gonna come back and bite Ham in the butt. Advantage: Reality.

If you made it all the way to the end, congratulations! Obviously the expert analysis is going to get shorter with each progressive round. In my next post I’ll take a look at the Sweet 16.

Until then…