Judah Man! ~ A Middle Eastern Pun Battle

It all started with Mr. Church Guy:

From there it exploded into chaos 😉

Sandy Young – Laughing so hard I’ve got to huldah my sides…Middle East

Parson Peeves – I was embarrassed. I almost saw a Gaza strip.

Mr. Church Guy – Sometimes it isn’t what you get out of the jokes, but what you put Hinnom.

Sandy Young – I guess olive that one alone…

Rancid Potato – I know what Yemen.

The Xian Satirist – I was going to challenge Mr. Church Guy’s geography but I’m ‘fraid he’s right. Euphrates right, too?

I Am Kinda Normal – Iran out of ideas.

The Xian Satirist – I have a million pun ideas. Iraq the mic like a tru MC.

Rancid Potato – Yes, very Syria.

The Xian Satirist – I’ll have the last word, though. Just Kuwait and see.

I Am Kinda Normal – I’m gonna have to quit this convo cold Turkey.

Rancid Potato – Bahrain any new developments I may as well.

The Xian Satirist – Ah, don’t leave! Unlike a lot of fake people on Twitter you guys Israel.

Snooty Seminarian – Nineveh Ur right. You just Babylon.

Parson Peeves – No. I’m still in deNile.

The Xian Satirist – *whispers* Just smile and Nod, boys. There’s no arguing with Snooty.

Snooty Seminarian – I don’t like where this Uz going. Is Zarephath back to where I’m credible?

The Xian Satirist – Ephesus too difficult for you we’ll let you bow out.

Snooty Seminarian – Hebron ow that’s not fair. Emmaus well have just slapped me in the face.

Nate Pickowicz – I’m afraid to Maacah bad joke…

Snooty Seminarian – It’s ok. The Xian Satirist has to keep his Zion a map to come up with any.

Nate Pickowicz – Y’know The Xian Satirist Acts like he’s got this game down, but truth is out; he’s Ben-hadad.

The Xian Satirist – Well excuuuuse me! I forgot that Judah man.

Nate Pickowicz – If I were in his shoes, I’d be Philippian out.

The Xian Satirist – Look, I apologize. Should we Kish and make up?

Snooty Seminarian – You come one step closer and I’ll Michmash potatoes out of you.

The Xian Satirist – BWAHAHAHA! I never Tyre of pushing your buttons.

Nate Pickowicz – Not sure if I should be Sidon with you or Snooty Seminarian.

Snooty Seminarian – Ai don’t need a partner. I Gath this on my own.

The Xian Satirist – Ai, Ai, Ai – don’t be mean to the lad!

Nate Pickowicz – Thank you — I believe your sincerity Israel.

Chad Buhman – Someone better be Phoenician this convo soon!

Parson Peeves – I would have participated more, but my Sinais were acting up.

I hope you remember your geography lesson from today. There will be a test later on.


Theology Smackdown – Bring the Pain!

True story – the other day my kids were watching Power Rangers. Power RangersAt one point of the show there was a teaching moment when the Rangers learned a lesson about life and ethics and the “bigger picture.”

It’s rare, sure, but it caught my attention. Then I had a funny thought: there’s more theology here than most people will hear from Joel Osteen!

Thus was birthed the idea for #TheologySmackdown.

Here are some of the highlights…

What else you got? Lay it on us!

As always, thanks for reading! If you found any of this amusing, please share it with your friends on Twitter, Facebook, or email!

Batman Theology

Social Media Christ

Have you ever wondered what the Bible would be like if Jesus used social media? Perhaps something like this?

What do you think?

What would you add?


Blocking Blockheads


One of the questions I’ve been asked on several occasions is:

“What’s your personal policy on blocking people?”

Ah, good ol’ blocking. It’s like the ultimate insult on social media. It says, “Not only do I not want to be connected to you but I don’t want you to see, hear, or be a part of anything that has to do with me. EVER.”


Let me answer the question in three parts.

1. Yes, I do block people. There are times when I simply don’t want people to have access to me or my timeline. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a wild man when it comes to blocking. I rarely block anyone. Still, there are times…. I also understand that I am going to be blocked by others. It happens.

2. So what criteria do I use for blocking accounts?

~ Spam accounts get blocked as soon as I see them. I don’t care about my follower count dropping – if you’re trying to sell followers or products chances are I’m gonna block you if I see it.

~ People who are jerks. This category is obviously subjective, but it’s my account so I get to set my own rules. If you engage with me and are rude, discourteous, or aggressively abrasive right off the bat, don’t be surprised if you find yourself blocked. There is another group within the jerk category: people who think they are being funny/jokers but just come off as being rude. I like teasing people. I like being teased. But here’s the thing: permission to tease people usually comes with having some semblance of a relationship (even if it’s a digital relationship). There are a handful of people on social media that I welcome teasing from because of the friendship we have developed. If you just meet me and launch into teasing or making fun of me you’re gonna shut me down pretty quickly. So a word of advice: take time to develop rapport with people before you rip into them.

3. Finally, remember that your social media account is just that – YOURS! Follow whomever you will. Block whomever you will. Don’t feel bad about the way you run your account. Because people get tweaked about getting blocked they might complain publicly. WHO CARES?!? In the words of the inestimable Elsa, Queen of Arendelle:

Let It Go

How about you? What is your criteria for blocking people?

Roasting @TheBitterPastor

The Bitter Pastor

I don’t think anyone has ever talked to me about it, but I believe in Twitter classes. That is to say, you’ll see groups of Twitterers start roughly the same time. The Bitter Pastor and I were part of the same class.

I don’t know exactly how or why but somehow we connected on Twitter. There was a sort of camaraderie between us, and there were several parts of our lives that were similar to each other. He was the first Anon on Twitter that I ever talked to in real life. All said and done, we clicked.

We also had similar goals on Twitter: to take a bunch of unconnected, Xian Anon accounts (that’s many of you good folks reading) and connect them together as part of a cohesive online community. I started it with a 12-month Anon Calendar and branched into a monthly e-zine written by Anon authors.

Then I got a DM that said, “I want to run an idea by you – give me a call when you have a chance.”

Thus was born @TheAnonChurch.

This was our medium for connecting the thousands of Xian Anons on Twitter. We pulled in writers to blog with us. We launched the Twitter account to highlight and retweet Xian Anons both famous and infamous.

But times change, and now my friend is removing himself as one of the administrators of @TheAnonChurch (or TAC, as we like to call it).

After he announced his leaving, @pastorswife2020 sent me a DM and said, “We should send him off with a roast or something!” Naturally, I was ALL over that idea.

So tonight we roasted my very good friend. Here’s to you, bud!

At the end of the day, I will miss my friend’s participation in TAC. He was a grand co-conspirator, even if he was always a little bitter!

Help, I’m an #Egomaniac!

As promised, here’s the blog about the Egomaniac hashtag game we played last night.

Truth be told, I got the idea from a NY Times op-ed piece I read about happiness. The author wrote:

Today, each of us can build a personal little fan base, thanks to Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and the like. We can broadcast the details of our lives to friends and strangers in an astonishingly efficient way. That’s good for staying in touch with friends, but it also puts a minor form of fame-seeking within each person’s reach. And several studies show that it can make us unhappy.

We each become little egomaniacs tweeting and posting about our lives and caring more about our own content than about anything else. So I had an idea…

From there it seemed everyone had an opinion about egomaniacs 😉

And we’ll close with…

There were many more – too many to recount. But there’s a little ego monster in us all that cares about faves and retweets. We all want our voices to be heard. The problem comes when that little ego monster becomes the driving force in our lives. As the author of the op-ed piece pointed out, pursuing that doesn’t actually bring happiness, but brings unhappiness. So enjoy your time on social media, but remember:



white church

So last night a bunch of us played a hashtag game called #MyChurchIsSoWhite.

There were a LOT of good ones thrown out there.


black kids



It’s actually normal to be drawn to people who are similar to ourselves and our own style and preferences. We get into trouble when we start thinking that our way of doing things needs to be the norm for everyone else. We get into trouble when we start seeing anyone else as “other than.”

In Christ, we’re all part of the same family.


Walking the Way of the #OldPaths to Avoid Hell!

Every once in a while (usually when someone asks) I’ll let people with no blog be a guest writer for me. Today’s guest blogger is someone I found on Twitter ~ @OldPathsPope. (Disclaimer – The Xian Satirist is NOT an Old Paths IFB guy – he just happens to be friends with quite a few…). The Pope is big on promoting the old way, so I’ll let him take it away…


Those of us who have spent time around “Old Paths” preachers can tell you that they can be some wild and crazy guys! Let’s be honest – not everyone from the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement is off his rocker. Quite a few of us consider ourselves to be level-headed and thoughtful men of faith.

But some are straight-up wack-a-doos. They (loudly) preach about holding to “Old Paths” but, in reality, merely push a cultural faith that hearkens back to the 1950’s. Boy those were the good ol’ days. Can I get an “AMEN!” from my Negro friends?

Yes, that was sarcasm.

In order to help you more-fully understand the Old Paths preachers who rail against everything that doesn’t fit into their narrow world-view, I’ve compiled a list of tips.

Follow these tips and you’ll be on your way to hollerin’ “OLD PATHS!” with the best of them.

In a nutshell you’ll start to get a picture of what these preachers are like. They are some of the most self-promoting aggrandizing men I’ve ever encountered and are more concerned with being wrong and belittling all who disagree with them than they are examining themselves and working to maintain peace and unity within the church.

Those Twitter Anons who point out the shortcomings of these men do not do it because we loathe biblical morality, holiness, and righteousness. We do it because we loathe the hypocrisy and pseudo-spirituality done in the name of maintaining the status quo.

So there you have it. If’n you ever have a question or want to talk – hit me up.

Twitter Break Ups – Don’t Stalk Me, Bro!


After a public disagreement with a follower last week I was SHOCKINGLY unfollowed. I made a final remark about how it was unfortunate that this person couldn’t disagree without unfollowing. The snappy comeback was, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

I didn’t know we were still using that cliché, but okay. I was tickled and laughed about it. So I asked some friends to help me come up with some great Twitter Break Up lines. Here’s some of what we came up with:

Sure, it’s your Twitter account. Do what you want. Follow and unfollow and your discretion. But if you give a stupid reason for it you will be mocked.


Related Posts:
I Love You, I Hate You, I Block You

I Love You I Hate You I Block You

Twitter PenPals

Twitter PenPals

Spend any time on Twitter and you’ll see this crazy relationship cycle. The elongated version goes like this:

–          I discover you

–          I love you

–          I follow you

–          I hate you

–          I unfollow you

–          I block you

Now I’m sure that people who don’t use Twitter to interact don’t ever notice this cycle. It’s true, some use Twitter only as a platform for their message – they don’t care to interact with others (that’s a shame, but that’s a topic for another day).

Those of us who DO interact with others have, at some point, experienced this relationship cycle. The problem is that Twitter is training us to be me-centered in our relationships rather than working on developing genuine relationships.

Hear me out – I’m not nuts.

Twitter is very user-centered. We follow people based on what we get out of their account (laughter, inspiration, etc.). But it’s really not about them. It’s still about us. As soon as we are no longer laughing or inspired (or simply grow tired of their shtick) we unfollow and move on.

That’s cool. This post really isn’t about complaining about losing followers. What I DO get frustrated and confused by is when followers interact with a Tweeter and begin to develop a rapport then, because of offense or some other reason, the follower says, “I’m done with you.”

And it happens once the honeymoon period wears off.

Following and being followed create a false sense of intimacy. We feel like we know and are known by others. But it’s a superficial knowing. You know what I want you to see about me. I know what you want me to see about you. It’s a façade.

As a Chaplain in the Army Reserve I have taught a lot of Singles Retreats for Soldiers. One of the primary points I try to teach them is that it takes 3 months of dating someone before the masks really come down and you see the person as they truly are.

We too often jump into things too quickly. Like The Doors sang: Hello, I love you – won’t you tell me your name?

But the initial infatuation with people ends. The honeymoon period wears off. It’s at THAT point that we can genuinely start knowing and being known. On Twitter, once that honeymoon period is over we tend to call it quits.

Unless we’re intentional about building relationships with others.

Real Life Twitter Example:

One of the people I clicked with immediately on Twitter was @chattytamster. We seemed to mesh well and have many similar views on faith, politics, etc. But then came the day when we found we had a stark contrast in one of our views. She publicly (but politely) disagreed with me. And I with her. Sides were taken. It got tense because here we are as pen-pals having a public disagreement. I’ve been in that situation with people I didn’t mesh well with and those situations ended in being unfollowed.

Not this time.

In spite of the weirdness that comes when superficially (Social Media) connected people argue, Tamster and I talked about our differences and decided to be friends anyway. In the process of talking through the disagreement and talking honestly about the tension the weight of the tension has been lifted and I feel like the connection is stronger because of the process.

Relationship guru Dr. John Van Epp talks about how really knowing someone can be visualized as a mathematical formula:

I = T + T + T.

Intimacy = Talk (self-disclosure) + Togetherness (experiences) + Time

This can even happen on Twitter. I know people who met through Twitter who have exchanged addresses and phone numbers. Twitter has become a place where I actually get to do ministry. I’ve talked to people about prayer requests, family problems, and personal needs and concerns. What an amazing tool, and I’m just a flippant Anon account.

I know this post won’t change Twitter. I have no desire to “win back” people who have unfollowed me. But for the rest of us, we can have a little bit of insight and wisdom in knowing that the people we follow are real people, faults and all. You will be disappointed. You might occasionally be offended. But heck – you’ll experience that in real life, too.

The façade drops and the honeymoon period will end.

How will you respond?