Every once in a while (usually when someone asks) I’ll let people with no blog be a guest writer for me. Today’s guest blogger is someone I found on Twitter ~ @OldPathsPope. (Disclaimer – The Xian Satirist is NOT an Old Paths IFB guy – he just happens to be friends with quite a few…). The Pope is big on promoting the old way, so I’ll let him take it away…
Those of us who have spent time around “Old Paths” preachers can tell you that they can be some wild and crazy guys! Let’s be honest – not everyone from the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement is off his rocker. Quite a few of us consider ourselves to be level-headed and thoughtful men of faith.
But some are straight-up wack-a-doos. They (loudly) preach about holding to “Old Paths” but, in reality, merely push a cultural faith that hearkens back to the 1950’s. Boy those were the good ol’ days. Can I get an “AMEN!” from my Negro friends?
Yes, that was sarcasm.
In order to help you more-fully understand the Old Paths preachers who rail against everything that doesn’t fit into their narrow world-view, I’ve compiled a list of tips.
Follow these tips and you’ll be on your way to hollerin’ “OLD PATHS!” with the best of them.
#OldPaths tip 1: When planning revival, pick a church that only seats 1/2 your expected attendance. Then post pics of your "full house".
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 16, 2014
#OldPaths tip 2: Get yourself fancy cufflinks. There's power in the links. No self-respecting preacher just uses the buttons.
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 17, 2014
#OldPaths tip 3: feel free 2 verbally blast "sell-out" preachers, & be prepared 2 accuse those who blast you as causing strife & dissension
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 18, 2014
#OldPaths tip 4: you need 2 learn the art of self-promotion & the selfie. These will glorify God & show others how they fail 2 measure up.
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 19, 2014
#OldPaths tip 5: Preacher, you can never do wrong (but you need to keep several scapegoats nearby to take the blame for any "mistake").
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 20, 2014
#OldPaths tip 6: Take all the anger you have pent up and unleash it against anyone who disagrees with you.
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 21, 2014
#OldPaths tip 7: have a designated photographer 4 every sermon, outreach event, etc. People want to see pics of your spiritual awesomeness.
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 23, 2014
#Oldpaths tip 8: Always take your photographs with a black & white or sepia filter. It makes you seem more Old-Pathy…
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 30, 2014
#OldPaths tip 9 (always a classic): When you lack content, just increase your volume. If you're hollerin' then the Spirit must be on you!
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) May 30, 2014
#OldPaths tip 10 ~ Women, get dressed up for your man so he comes home to your prettier, made-up self. Never let him see your flaws!
— Dr. Old Paths Pope (@OldPathsPope) June 12, 2014
In a nutshell you’ll start to get a picture of what these preachers are like. They are some of the most self-promoting aggrandizing men I’ve ever encountered and are more concerned with being wrong and belittling all who disagree with them than they are examining themselves and working to maintain peace and unity within the church.
Those Twitter Anons who point out the shortcomings of these men do not do it because we loathe biblical morality, holiness, and righteousness. We do it because we loathe the hypocrisy and pseudo-spirituality done in the name of maintaining the status quo.
So there you have it. If’n you ever have a question or want to talk – hit me up.
