The Fraud Running for President

celebrity-986838_1280There I was, watching the Donald Trump rally (not really by choice, but I was watching CNN and they cut to the rally). At the rally, The Donald was kicking out protesters left and right. Then he said something odd. He said that the people protesting were infringing on his freedom of speech, and that he was going to say what he had to say.

That was odd to me because, while the Bill of Rights does talk about the freedom of speech, it does NOT do it in the way Mr. Trump was using it. The 1st Amendment reads:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

revolution-30590_1280Did you see the part about the freedom of speech there in the middle? The words are there, yes, but they have nothing to do with Donald forcibly removing dissenters from his rallies. What the 1st Amendment is talking about is how the GOVERNMENT cannot censor someone (and even then there are some places where freedom of speech is not an absolute). What Donald Trump is doing falls under the line about right to peaceably assemble (although that’s debatable, as his rallies more and more resemble gathering from dark days in our world’s past and not some peaceable assembly) and NOT about the freedom of speech. The government is not abridging his freedom of speech – individual dissenters are voicing opposition.

I recognize that The Donald is not a Constitutional scholar, but this misunderstanding of a basic freedom granted by the 1st Amendment just goes to show one glaring truth: Donald Trump is a fraud. He’s a poser. He’s a huckster. He’s a con man.

He has no real grasp of the Constitution or American freedoms. He has no real policy or position on any issues. There is no depth or substance. There is only hollow rhetoric. It fires up the masses, to be sure, but that’s all it does. To use a common catchphrase, Mr. Trump is just going to “fake it til he makes it.”

He does it with the Constitution. He does it with the Bible. He does it with every.single.issue of substance people ask him about. He’s a political cheerleader. And there is nothing Xian about any of it, so don’t play the Evangelical/Conservative Xian card here. It’s not about faith. Not one bit. Jesus isn’t in any of it.

Make America Great Again!
Build a wall!
Kick out illegal immigrants!
Make America Great Again! (wait, did I already say that one? Yep, The Donald is repeating himself again.)

Empty rhetoric to stir the base nature within us.

God have mercy on us all if we don’t wake up.

Hitler Has Been Reincarnated…

  • Our country used to be great. I will make it great again!
  • No, we don’t hate those people. They hate us even though we haven’t done anything!
  • We have a labor problem in our country – I will put people to work!
  • Many of our problems come from those people who are here in our country. THEY are to blame!

Sound familiar? So you tell me.

Donald Trump?

Or Adolf Hitler?

adolf-hitler-147179_1280“I consider Bolshevism the most malignant poison that can be given to a people. And therefor I do not want my own people to come into contact with this teaching. As a citizen of this nation I myself shall not do what I should have to condemn my fellow-citizens for doing. I demand from every German workman that he shall not have any relations with these international mischief-makers and he shall never see me clinking glasses or rubbing shoulders with them. Moreover, any further treaty connections with the present Bolshevik Russia would be completely worthless for us. It is out of the question to think that National Socialist Germany should ever be bound to protect Bolshevism or that we, on our side, should ever agree to accept the assistance of a Bolshevik State. For I fear that the moment any nation should agree to accept such assistance, it would thereby seal its own doom.” ~ Adolf Hitler, 1937

 “The German people did not feel any kind of hate against the French or the British. The French people, the British people – the German people wanted only to live in friendship and peace with them…. The German people has never learned to carry on hate. Then in Britain, certain circles began their impertinent, intolerable assaults. And then came the moment when I had to say to myself: I cannot watch this anymore, I have to answer to this agitation. For we do not educate the German people to hate the British. We do not educate it to hate the French, while in France and Britain the agitators day after day bait the British and French peoples, through the press and at rallies, to hate against the Germans.” ~ Adolf Hitler, 1939

“And our enemies, today they cry: ‘Germany shall fail!’ And Germany can give only one answer. Germany will live, and therefore Germany will emerge victorious!” ~ Adolf Hitler, 1939

And then some verbal gold from The Donald…

celebrity-986838_1280“Our country is in serious trouble. We don’t have victories anymore. We used to have victories, but we don’t have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal?….

When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists….

I will tell you this, and I said it very strongly, years ago, I said — and I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we’ve ever had, and we need it more now than ever…. Our enemies are getting stronger and stronger by the way, and we as a country are getting weaker….

I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again. It can happen. Our country has tremendous potential. We have tremendous people. We have people that aren’t working. We have people that have no incentive to work. But they’re going to have incentive to work, because the greatest social program is a job. And they’ll be proud, and they’ll love it, and they’ll make much more than they would’ve ever made, and they’ll be — they’ll be doing so well, and we’re going to be thriving as a country, thriving. It can happen. ~ Donald Trump, 2016

Xians need to wake up. We should not stand for this kind of rhetoric. It is dangerous. We’ve seen where it can take the world….

Spread the word….

America Embarrasses Jesus

Okay, you’ve been living under a rock if you haven’t seen SOME of the hullabaloo about Mr. Obama suggesting that America open its doors to some 10,000 Syrian refugees. And, in great American fashion, American Christians have rallied to PREVENT refugees from coming within our sacred, God-ordained borders.

We have to protect ourselves, you see, and welcoming Syrian refugees would be allowing the terrorists free access to our country.
You wouldn’t invite a murderer in through the front door of your house, would you?

Yes, that’s actually an argument I’ve seen a LOT over the last few days. Never mind the fact that we’re not talking about hypothetical people in need – we’re talking about REAL people who are displaced by war and violence. Where are the Xians who care to take care of those who can’t help themselves?

Oh, those poor refugees! I wish there was something we could do. And by “we” I mean someone not me. And by “do” I mean nothing that will cost me anything. Oh, those poor refugees! ~ Murica

You see, we like the IDEA of helping people, but not when it’s actually going to cost us anything. We like the IDEA of helping, but we must have our priorities in order.

PRIORITY #1 – American Safety

If you let in thousands of refugees you’ll welcome who knows how many who want to do us harm! When I pointed out that America was founded by refugees who were seeking freedom from persecution, I was told:

“And the natives welcomed them with open arms and now we have this great Navajo nation! Oh wait! Great analogy. Exactly why we can’t take them.”

That’s the spirit, Xian people! Look how we screwed others. We gotta make sure nobody treats us the way we treat them! I read in the Bible somewhere:

And Jesus saith unto them, “Mess people over before they have a chance to mess with you.”

At least I’m pretty sure it went something like that. But forget about safety for a minute. Even if the refugees were vetted (which they WOULD be), we’ve got so many other problems here in America. That brings us to:

PRIORITY #2 – Our own people

I was told:

“We MUST take care of our own widows, orphans, elderly, ill, Veterans, etc, etc, first, and foremost, at this time…..NO more refugees from anywhere is my personal opinion”

Sure, I acknowledge that we’ve got a problem with poverty, homelessness, and myriad other issues in our nation. Focusing on those issues IS important. Those are things we should address and people we should be helping. But think about it in terms of trauma and an emergency room. It’s a basic case of triage. When you look at all the people you can help/save, those with a greater urgency get handled first. That doesn’t mean the others aren’t important. It means we understand that the others can hold off a little while longer while we take care of the crisis now.

And let’s not kid ourselves – we’d rather help our own people than help people of another ethnic background and another nation. Today I actually saw a Xian woman (wife of a church elder) share this:

Inbred Savages

That brings us to:

PRIORITY #3 – The Practical Considerations

This priority comes from Xians who want to seem like they care about the issue but want you to know that you haven’t really considered all of the ramifications of allowing refugees into the country. For example, I was told:

“Where are they going to live? Who is paying for this? Are they going to work? Who is going to give them a job? Do they speak English? How can you find out who they are if they don’t have papers or any info on them?”

Um…do they speak English?

Since when is that a requirement for being A REFUGEE?!? No, they probably DON’T speak English. Are we now holding back our Xian compassion for those who speak the same language?

HOLD EVERYTHING! WE GET TO CANCEL OUR FOREIGN MISSIONS BUDGET NOW, FOLKS. WE’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING THAT BENEFITS PEOPLE WHO DON’T SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE!

Ridiculous.

Let’s be real. I’m not saying that allowing all Syrian refugees access to America is the best policy. It’s not a black-and-white deal – it’s highly nuanced. What I AM saying is that Christians ought to be the first to seek out helping people rather than outright turning them away because of the FEAR of possibilities and potential outcomes.

It SEEMS (that means my perspective, folks) that conservative Christians are jumping on the “don’t trust Muslims” bandwagon and are quick to say, “Our nation won’t help displaced people” without even giving a THOUGHT about the issue and the real people involved.

Yes, America –

You embarrass Jesus.

 

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If you want to share a thought, it’s okay to disagree. Just keep it civil. And share the post with all your friends 😉

Judah Man! ~ A Middle Eastern Pun Battle

It all started with Mr. Church Guy:

From there it exploded into chaos 😉

Sandy Young – Laughing so hard I’ve got to huldah my sides…Middle East

Parson Peeves – I was embarrassed. I almost saw a Gaza strip.

Mr. Church Guy – Sometimes it isn’t what you get out of the jokes, but what you put Hinnom.

Sandy Young – I guess olive that one alone…

Rancid Potato – I know what Yemen.

The Xian Satirist – I was going to challenge Mr. Church Guy’s geography but I’m ‘fraid he’s right. Euphrates right, too?

I Am Kinda Normal – Iran out of ideas.

The Xian Satirist – I have a million pun ideas. Iraq the mic like a tru MC.

Rancid Potato – Yes, very Syria.

The Xian Satirist – I’ll have the last word, though. Just Kuwait and see.

I Am Kinda Normal – I’m gonna have to quit this convo cold Turkey.

Rancid Potato – Bahrain any new developments I may as well.

The Xian Satirist – Ah, don’t leave! Unlike a lot of fake people on Twitter you guys Israel.

Snooty Seminarian – Nineveh Ur right. You just Babylon.

Parson Peeves – No. I’m still in deNile.

The Xian Satirist – *whispers* Just smile and Nod, boys. There’s no arguing with Snooty.

Snooty Seminarian – I don’t like where this Uz going. Is Zarephath back to where I’m credible?

The Xian Satirist – Ephesus too difficult for you we’ll let you bow out.

Snooty Seminarian – Hebron ow that’s not fair. Emmaus well have just slapped me in the face.

Nate Pickowicz – I’m afraid to Maacah bad joke…

Snooty Seminarian – It’s ok. The Xian Satirist has to keep his Zion a map to come up with any.

Nate Pickowicz – Y’know The Xian Satirist Acts like he’s got this game down, but truth is out; he’s Ben-hadad.

The Xian Satirist – Well excuuuuse me! I forgot that Judah man.

Nate Pickowicz – If I were in his shoes, I’d be Philippian out.

The Xian Satirist – Look, I apologize. Should we Kish and make up?

Snooty Seminarian – You come one step closer and I’ll Michmash potatoes out of you.

The Xian Satirist – BWAHAHAHA! I never Tyre of pushing your buttons.

Nate Pickowicz – Not sure if I should be Sidon with you or Snooty Seminarian.

Snooty Seminarian – Ai don’t need a partner. I Gath this on my own.

The Xian Satirist – Ai, Ai, Ai – don’t be mean to the lad!

Nate Pickowicz – Thank you — I believe your sincerity Israel.

Chad Buhman – Someone better be Phoenician this convo soon!

Parson Peeves – I would have participated more, but my Sinais were acting up.

I hope you remember your geography lesson from today. There will be a test later on.

🙂









Theology Smackdown – Bring the Pain!

True story – the other day my kids were watching Power Rangers. Power RangersAt one point of the show there was a teaching moment when the Rangers learned a lesson about life and ethics and the “bigger picture.”

It’s rare, sure, but it caught my attention. Then I had a funny thought: there’s more theology here than most people will hear from Joel Osteen!

Thus was birthed the idea for #TheologySmackdown.

Here are some of the highlights…

What else you got? Lay it on us!

As always, thanks for reading! If you found any of this amusing, please share it with your friends on Twitter, Facebook, or email!

Batman Theology

Social Media Christ

Have you ever wondered what the Bible would be like if Jesus used social media? Perhaps something like this?

What do you think?

What would you add?

🙂

Blocking Blockheads

 

One of the questions I’ve been asked on several occasions is:

“What’s your personal policy on blocking people?”

Ah, good ol’ blocking. It’s like the ultimate insult on social media. It says, “Not only do I not want to be connected to you but I don’t want you to see, hear, or be a part of anything that has to do with me. EVER.”

Blocking

Let me answer the question in three parts.

1. Yes, I do block people. There are times when I simply don’t want people to have access to me or my timeline. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a wild man when it comes to blocking. I rarely block anyone. Still, there are times…. I also understand that I am going to be blocked by others. It happens.

2. So what criteria do I use for blocking accounts?

~ Spam accounts get blocked as soon as I see them. I don’t care about my follower count dropping – if you’re trying to sell followers or products chances are I’m gonna block you if I see it.

~ People who are jerks. This category is obviously subjective, but it’s my account so I get to set my own rules. If you engage with me and are rude, discourteous, or aggressively abrasive right off the bat, don’t be surprised if you find yourself blocked. There is another group within the jerk category: people who think they are being funny/jokers but just come off as being rude. I like teasing people. I like being teased. But here’s the thing: permission to tease people usually comes with having some semblance of a relationship (even if it’s a digital relationship). There are a handful of people on social media that I welcome teasing from because of the friendship we have developed. If you just meet me and launch into teasing or making fun of me you’re gonna shut me down pretty quickly. So a word of advice: take time to develop rapport with people before you rip into them.

3. Finally, remember that your social media account is just that – YOURS! Follow whomever you will. Block whomever you will. Don’t feel bad about the way you run your account. Because people get tweaked about getting blocked they might complain publicly. WHO CARES?!? In the words of the inestimable Elsa, Queen of Arendelle:

Let It Go

How about you? What is your criteria for blocking people?

Roasting @TheBitterPastor

The Bitter Pastor

I don’t think anyone has ever talked to me about it, but I believe in Twitter classes. That is to say, you’ll see groups of Twitterers start roughly the same time. The Bitter Pastor and I were part of the same class.

I don’t know exactly how or why but somehow we connected on Twitter. There was a sort of camaraderie between us, and there were several parts of our lives that were similar to each other. He was the first Anon on Twitter that I ever talked to in real life. All said and done, we clicked.

We also had similar goals on Twitter: to take a bunch of unconnected, Xian Anon accounts (that’s many of you good folks reading) and connect them together as part of a cohesive online community. I started it with a 12-month Anon Calendar and branched into a monthly e-zine written by Anon authors.

Then I got a DM that said, “I want to run an idea by you – give me a call when you have a chance.”

Thus was born @TheAnonChurch.

This was our medium for connecting the thousands of Xian Anons on Twitter. We pulled in writers to blog with us. We launched the Twitter account to highlight and retweet Xian Anons both famous and infamous.

But times change, and now my friend is removing himself as one of the administrators of @TheAnonChurch (or TAC, as we like to call it).

After he announced his leaving, @pastorswife2020 sent me a DM and said, “We should send him off with a roast or something!” Naturally, I was ALL over that idea.

So tonight we roasted my very good friend. Here’s to you, bud!

At the end of the day, I will miss my friend’s participation in TAC. He was a grand co-conspirator, even if he was always a little bitter!



The Disney Bible

**FROM THE XIAN SATIRIST**

As many know, I’m a big fan of hashtag games. The other day we played on of my favorites: #PutADisneyCharacterInABibleStory.

Then I had an idea to compile some of the best of them and create THE DISNEY BIBLE!

Enjoy!

Genesis

eva

Pocahontas

101-dalmatians

kaa

prince_charming

Exodus

sebastian

anna

Numbers

Eeyore

Joshua

Judges

ursula

tangled-rapunzel

bambi

Eeyore

Winnie the pooh

robinhood

Ruth

Little-Mermaid

1 Kings

Jafar

Wall-e

2 Kings

Baloo

1 Chronicles

Proverbs

Jonah

Matthew

Mark

Alice

pinocchio

Luke

tink

John

Lumière

Acts of the Apostles

Buzz_Lightyear

bambi

Captain-Jack

1 Thessalonians

Revelation

beast

Maleficent

There were a whole bunch of good ones, so go check out the hashtag.

And share this with your friends so they can see the Disney Gospel, too! 😉

Help, I’m an #Egomaniac!

As promised, here’s the blog about the Egomaniac hashtag game we played last night.

Truth be told, I got the idea from a NY Times op-ed piece I read about happiness. The author wrote:

Today, each of us can build a personal little fan base, thanks to Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and the like. We can broadcast the details of our lives to friends and strangers in an astonishingly efficient way. That’s good for staying in touch with friends, but it also puts a minor form of fame-seeking within each person’s reach. And several studies show that it can make us unhappy.

We each become little egomaniacs tweeting and posting about our lives and caring more about our own content than about anything else. So I had an idea…

From there it seemed everyone had an opinion about egomaniacs 😉

And we’ll close with…

There were many more – too many to recount. But there’s a little ego monster in us all that cares about faves and retweets. We all want our voices to be heard. The problem comes when that little ego monster becomes the driving force in our lives. As the author of the op-ed piece pointed out, pursuing that doesn’t actually bring happiness, but brings unhappiness. So enjoy your time on social media, but remember:

IT’S JUST TWITTER. 😉